Journeys and Destinations
by ShouldIGetOutandPush
Summary: Post-ROTJ Han and Leia are now married and living on Coruscant.  Luke has discovered the identify of their mother, how will this news affect Leia? ...This story is a continuation from "The Path Forward" but works as a stand-alone.  *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1  An Invitation

Journeys and Destinations

Chapter One: An Invitation

Ambassador Leia Organa Solo sat at her desk staring at her holoscreen. The words on the screen were written by her brother, an invitation to join him at their mother's home world of Naboo and meet their recently discovered relatives. Her eyes moved away from the screen and landed on the window overlooking Coruscant. Lost again in her thoughts, Leia exhaled heavily and dropped her eyes down to her hands resting on the input terminal. She began typing her response for the fifth time today:

_Luke,_

_Things on Corsucant are very busy right now and I don't think it's the best time for Han and _

She closed her eyes and shook her head, her fingers stilled once again. Opening her eyes she found the delete key and held it down as she watched her words disappear. She straightened herself up in her chair and quickly typed:

_Luke,_

_Yes, we'd love to join you on Naboo. As soon as I have my itinerary I will_

Again, the invisible, duracrete wall shot up in front of her and the right words refused to come. Finding the delete key once more, Leia erased her latest entry, disconnected her datapad and left her office for the day.

* * *

As soon as she palmed herself into their apartment, the sight of an old friend immediately perked her up.

"Chewie!" she exclaimed as she made her way into the living room where Han and the Wookiee sat.

Both Han and Chewie rose from their seats as Leia approached them. First she stepped into a big hug from the towering Wookiee and then accepted a quick kiss from her husband, before they all sat back down and visited for awhile.

"How long are you on Coruscant?" Leia asked.

[I'm here for the Galactic Counsel meeting as a representative from Kashyyyk. I arrived a couple of days early so that I could check up on you two.]

"I heard that you were unanimously elected, congratulations," Leia offered with a warm, proud smile.

[Thank you. It seems some good has finally come out of the time I spent with Han. I've become quite famous now.]

"I told you I'd never steer ya wrong, buddy. See, my master plan has finally started to come together," Han joked.

"Well, whatever recognition you are receiving is certainly well-deserved," Leia responded before adding, "both for your bravery, of course, and for putting up with Han for that long."

[Yes, well it certainly was a pleasure to pass that torch on to you, Princess.]

"Alright, that's enough, you two. I don't think we all want to start comparing notes on who's the hardest to live with."

Leia exchanged a knowing glance with Chewie as they silently agreed to let that topic lie, both knowing that Han had ample dirt on the two of them to at least give them a run for their money on that debate.

"Should I cook, or do we want to go out for dinner?" Han inquired as his wife and his friend turned their attention back to him.

"I'll let Chewie decide. I'm up for either," Leia offered as she turned to look at Chewbacca.

Chewie hesitated a moment and then looked over to Han and replied, [A quiet dinner with just the three of us sounds good, as long as you don't mind cooking.]

"No, not at all, buddy," Han replied with a smile as he stood up, excused himself and disappeared into the kitchen.

Leia and Chewie visited while Han cooked dinner. As Ambassador-at-Large, Leia was interested in Chewie's unadulterated opinion of the New Republic. Chewie, after spending months leading Kashyyyk's military on a quest to find and free enslaved Wookiees, had returned to his home planet and been elected as their political representative to Coruscant. His passion for his people and his realistic view of the capabilities of any galactic government were refreshing to the embattled Ambassador.

Leia was finding it more and more difficult to cower to the necessary evils of big government. Although the New Republic was by far an improvement from the tyrannical Empire they had overthrown, no large scale administration could escape its share of bureaucracy and Leia had found herself right smack dab in the middle of what seemed to be the worst of it.

As she spoke with Chewie, she envied his position. There was no doubt for him whom or what he was fighting for. When his starship touched back down on Kashyyyk, there would be millions of friends and family, names and faces that he would have to answer to. He carried an agenda not only in his datapad, but in his heart, mind and soul. The rights, freedoms and support that he fought for would benefit his people, his children and himself.

Stoking the passion from within her in the name of the New Republic alone was becoming increasingly difficult for the Princess. That fire had been dwindling almost since the day her starship touched down on Coruscant. The transition from Alliance Rebel to New Republic Ambassador had been a bittersweet one.

The culmination of years of hard work and suffering, it was a great success and accomplishment finally realized. Yet, her greatest achievements had not come from toppling figureheads or exploding Death Stars. They had come in the form of the Wookiee sitting across from her right now, a husband cooking dinner in the kitchen a couple of meters away and a brother traveling the galaxy a million parsecs from here. All else paled in comparison and she continually struggled to find the right balance between her new home life and the passion for her work that she had always been known for.

After dinner and a couple of drinks, Chewie retired to one of their guest rooms and Han and Leia to their bedroom. Once Leia had completed her nightly routine, she joined Han in their large bed as he watched the holonews.

Snuggling into the crook of his arm, Leia nestled her head on her husband's chest and said, "It's so nice to see Chewie again."

"Yeah," Han agreed as he wrapped his arm around his wife and gave her a squeeze.

Leia felt her chest tighten and her eyes get moist. Why sometimes at the slightest, simplest displays of affection did she get so worked up, she didn't know. It was as if the love she felt from her husband expanded inside of her to the point of bursting.

Without saying a word and without as much as a sniffle on her part, Han – in that innate way he had at reading her – reacted to her silence as he asked worriedly, "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I received a letter from Luke," she said, the words spilling out as they had a tendency to do around Han.

"About?"

"He's been to Naboo," she replied and then lifting her head up off of his chest, she propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him as she continued, "he wants us to meet him there. To meet…our relatives."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh," she replied absently as she turned towards the holoscreen and watched a reporter talk about the escalating crime rate on Coruscant.

"And?"

She looked back at Han and replied, "I haven't answered him yet."

"What do ya want to do?"

She looked down at his chest and then lowered herself back down to rest her head on him as she sighed and confessed, "I don't know."

Han took his hand and rubbed it up and down on her back as he stated simply, "Talk to me."

She lifted her hand and placed it on Han's chest and as she watched her fingers trail circles on his sternum, she answered, "I want to go…"

"But?"

"But, I'm afraid."

"Of?"

"Of what I'll find. Luke assures me that everything is _wonderful_ and she was _wonderful_ and they're _all_ wonderful, but history tells me…"

"Hey," Han said as he took his hand and tugged at her chin. When she looked up at him he continued, "Everything about your past doesn't have to be horrible."

"I know," Leia agreed as she shook her head and then looking down at her hands she confessed, "And she was actually someone I idolized, that I mirrored my aspirations after…you would think that this would have been a dream come true for me."

"Maybe it is. You can't spend your life waiting for the other shoe to drop."

Looking back up at him she countered, "I can't go around unprepared for what I might find, either."

"Whatever you find doesn't change who you are. We've been through that, Leia."

"I know," she said quickly as she leaned into him and gave him a kiss. What she had already put this man through and how he continued to hang around never failed to amaze her.

"And hiding from it doesn't change it either. You've never been one to run away from anything."

"Hmph," she grunted with a smile, "Except you."

"Nah," he contradicted her with a smile and a squeeze of his arm that was wrapped around her, "You mighta tried pushing me away, but you could never stay away from me for too long."

"Yes," she said as she leaned into him, "you're like…" Raising her eyes to look up at the ceiling while she searched for the right word, she looked back down at him with a big smile and whispered, "_Spice_."

He grinned at her and pulled her to him as he said, "Well, if you mean that I'm expensive, illegal and make you crazy, then yes, I am."

"No, I meant that you're addictive," she said as she dragged her leg up his side and leaned further on top of him, "you make my heart race," she added as she nibbled at his ear, "_and_ that you drive me crazy."

"I'll go with that," Han agreed as he turned her over to lie on top of her, gave her a wicked grin and then lowered his mouth to hers for a deep, passionate kiss.


	2. Chapter 2  Sands of Time

Journeys and Destinations

Chapter Two: Sands of Time

The _Millennium Falcon_ set down in a grassy field on the peaceful planet of Naboo. As Han flipped some switches and shut the ship down, Leia looked out of the viewport to the tranquil lake in the distance.

"Recognize this place, Princess?" She heard Han ask as she became lost in memories.

She had sent word to her brother that she and Han would meet him on Naboo and then Han had talked her into leaving a day early under the pretense that he had a huge surprise for her.

Without looking at him she smiled and answered softly, "Yes, I do."

Han, Leia and Chewie had landed in this exact same spot in what seemed like a lifetime ago. The lake, with its towering mountains looming in the distance, had reminded Leia of Alderaan. Left alone on the _Falcon_, she had stripped down to her Rebel-issued undies and swum out to the floating platform on the lake only to be discovered by Han several hours later.

"C'mon." Han stood up and held his hand out to her. "I've got some unfulfilled fantasies to address out on that lake."

She had come close to surrendering to her desire for Han out there on that beach all those years ago. She had convinced herself that she could allow herself to feel something for Han while repressing all of her guilt and anger and other haunting emotions surrounding everything else in her life. She hadn't remained convinced of that very long. Probably, looking back, just long enough to tease Han Solo to distraction.

Finally turning to look up at him, Leia smiled, took his hand and stood up next to him. "Han Solo, _this_ is your surprise for me?"

Leia watched as her husband's eyes darted towards the lake in front of them and then back at his wife as he confessed, "Well, yeah…but…"

"Relax, flyboy," she said as she placed her hands on his chest. "I love it."

Han's signature crooked grin spread across his face and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. "Promise?"

"Promise," she whispered back as she stretched up to kiss him and then added, "In fact, I might have a few things I've dreamed of doing to you out on that beach."

He let out a low groan at her words and smiled devilishly. Taking his hand and stroking her cheek he replied, "That's what I'm here for, baby. To make all of your dreams come true."

She stretched up to kiss him and he met her more than willingly, halfway. Her arms around his neck, his hands at the small of her back, they clung to each other in a long and lingering kiss. After their separation following Endor and especially since they had been married, Leia recognized a desperation in both of them to reclaim as much time as possible that had been lost between them. Anything that sparked a memory of their times apart, especially those that were self-imposed, seemed to call out to them, almost as if begging to be erased.

Breaking their kiss, she held on to him. "C'mon," he said with a smile as he stepped away from her, grabbed her hand and led her out of the cockpit.

After changing into swimsuits, the couple headed through the field towards the tiny beach. Han had a large carryall slung over his shoulder as they walked hand-in-hand through the tall, flowing grass. Leia wore a white, gauzy dress over her two-piece, bathing suit and the wind coming off of the lake pressed the material against her body. It was early morning and the rising sun had not yet taken care of the tiny drops of dew on the grass. The air was cool, but even the low-hanging sun was enough to warm Leia's face and shoulders as they walked towards the lake.

As she turned to look at Han she found him looking at her, obviously pleased with the way her dress was clinging to her. Han was bare-chested, wearing nothing but his swim trunks, which sat low on his waist and hit him right above the knees. The sight of him looking at her, his eyes smoldering, his chest hair dancing in the breeze and his strong hand holding hers, caused a tingling sensation that started in her chest and worked its way up to her scalp.

When they reached the beach, Han set the carryall down and pulled Leia into his arms as he growled, "Do you remember what you did to me out on this lake?"

Leia looked up at him, a mixture of lust, amusement and fear shot through her as she remembered several things about their encounter that day. "You'll have to be more specific, Captain," she replied, lowering her eyes and giving him her own devilish smile.

"Specifically," Han began as his hands ran down her body, over her hips and to her thighs, until he reached the end of her gauzy dress. Gathering up the light material into his large hands, he whispered against her neck as he lifted the material over her head, "You paraded around half-naked in your skivvies."

As he threw the dress over towards the carryall, Leia felt her body shiver as the cool, lake air wrapped itself around her now naked belly. Her breath caught as Han pulled her to him and the heat from his body clashed with the chill that had settled over her. He moved his head to look at her and as his lips hovered over hers he added with an evil grin, "You dunked me in that lake."

"Oh, no." Leia exclaimed as she put her hands on his chest and tried to wriggle out of his embrace, "I recall that you jumped in the water with me."

"Is that what you recall?" Han asked and as he scooped her up into his arms, he continued, "Well, was it a little something like this?" and he began to walk towards the shoreline of the lake.

"Han. It's freezing. Don't you dare throw me in that lake!" Leia yelled as she kicked her feet, squirmed and laughed while Han nibbled at her earlobes and her neck. She heard Han splashing into the lake and as her toes brushed against the cool water, she tightened her grasp around his neck.

"Oh, don't worry, Your Highness." His arms squeezed tightly around her, his head snuggled up in the crook of her neck. Whispering in her ear, he said, "I've got plenty of ways to warm you up, now." Leia felt him spin around so that his back faced the lake. She shook her head at him and wrapped her fingers together behind his neck. "Hold your breath, Princess." They fell back into the lake water wrapped in each other's arms.

The initial shock of the chilly water took Leia's breath away as she wriggled out of Han's embrace and swam to the surface. Wiping her face she looked around, searching for where Han had gone. She caught sight of him swimming towards the floating platform in the distance.

"C'mon, slow poke," Han called to her as he quit swimming for a moment to turn around and smile at her.

By the time she reached the platform, Han was already stretched out lazily and basking in the warm, summer sun that was crawling slowly across the Naboo sky. Lifting herself up on the platform, Leia landed next to her husband and looked down at him. Tiny beads of water were still peppered over his body as they glistened in the orange sunlight. When she reached his face she found his eyes were closed but a big smile was stretched across his lips, his white teeth glistening in the sunlight.

Leaning her body towards his, she tilted her head over his abdomen and shook the water out of her hair. She watched his stomach twitch as the cool droplets hit his warming skin.

"Don't start things you can't finish, sweetheart," Han drawled out without even opening his eyes.

She looked at him with a wicked grin, but the gesture was lost on the cocky Corellian as he lay there confidently with his eyes still closed. Sighing heavily, she decided to leave it at that, so she relaxed down on the platform next to him and enjoyed the feeling of the warm sun against her skin and the sensation of the tiny beads of lake water evaporating on her body.

Her thoughts immediately took her to the person she was all those years ago, lying here in this exact same spot. She could hardly remember or identify with that hardened Rebel that she was back then, clinging to the cool façade that she desperately tried to hide behind.

The platform began to rock on the lake water, causing little waves to lap up against the sides and make light, slapping sounds. Leia felt the immediate relief from the hot summer sun as Han blocked its warmth from her with his shadow.

"I remember how you looked at me that day on the beach," she heard Han say as she opened her eyes to find him sitting up and looking at her.

"I remember how you looked at me lying on this platform," she replied as she held her hand up to her forehead and shielded her eyes from the sun.

"I was already in love with you." The words spilled out of his mouth, as if he was turning back the clock and confessing his deep, dark secret to the Rebel Princess from that day.

An ache spun tightly in her chest and she propped herself up on one elbow and trailed her hand down his warm shoulder and into the crook of his arm as she replied, "You should've told me."

Han laughed. "Yeah, right. That would have gone over like a rock in that lake."

"Maybe," Leia agreed with a smile. "But I don't know…I seem to recall that you looked pretty sexy that day."

"If it was just a matter of me looking sexy, honey, I could've had my way with you back in that garbage chute." He took her hand and brought it up to his mouth for a kiss.

"This is true," she sighed as she lay back down and closed her eyes, a huge grin spreading across her face. "Oh, how I ever controlled myself all those years, I'll just never know."

"Just think of the fun we could've had if you hadn't."

Opening her eyes, she looked up at him and gave him a knowing smile. "I would have volunteered for a lot more missions."

"And I would have _completed_ a lot more missions," Han replied with a crooked grin and a waggle of his eyebrows.

Shutting her eyes again, she sighed and added, "I wouldn't've needed so many blankets on Hoth."

"And I wouldn't've needed so many cold showers."

They both laughed and then settled into a long silence. Leia lying there with her eyes closed, completely aware that Han was still sitting up and studying her. Just what he was thinking wasn't hard for Leia to imagine; she could feel his want radiating from him like rays from the morning sun.

A gentle breeze washed over her, chasing the warmth from her body and she jumped when she felt Han's finger land on her waist. Keeping her eyes closed, he continued to blaze a slow, meandering path around her belly button and then up towards her chest. She could feel her skin breaking out in bumps at the sensation of his light touch. Her lips parted as she inhaled a long breath, filling her lungs with the cool lake air.

"I couldn't touch you like this back then," he growled as his finger trailed along the inside of her bathing suit strap. The sound of his guttural voice was enough to cause a warmth to puddle inside of her. He leaned his head against hers and his hot breath sent chills down her spine as he whispered in her ear, "Oh, but I wanted to." The statement clearly laced with years of desire.

She felt him moving towards her and then her eyes flew open at the warm sensation of his mouth on her breast through the thin fabric of her bathing suit. Concentrating on the sky above, Leia felt his wandering finger as it tugged at the top of her suit and slowly moved the material out of the way, exposing her breast. His tongue glided over her naked nipple and he took it in his mouth as if it were the very air he needed to breathe.

She took both of her hands and fisted them into his still damp hair as Han made quick work of her bathing suit top and she watched it fly across the sky above her, landing softly on the other side of the platform. Her eyes closed as his warm hand massaged her breast and his tongue blazed a path up to her neck.

"Do you remember what I told you?" Han whispered in her ear, his hot breath begging for her to answer him as his hand slid lower, down her belly and into her bathing suit.

The knowledge of exactly what words he wanted to hear crackled through her brain like lightning hitting the lake. Words she couldn't let herself believe back then. Words he clearly hadn't meant to admit to her. Words she could still hear rattling around inside of her soul.

His head pulled away from hers and she opened her eyes and looked up at him. "That I was the whole package?" she asked, her voice low and trembling.

She waited for him to respond as her chest began to rise and fall from her shallow breaths. His pupils flared with oranges and yellows, a reflection of the smoldering heat within him. She watched a cloud move slowly across the sky behind him and she pressed her hips against his hand.

"That you were the whole package." Han repeated in a whisper as his eyes fell down to her lips.

His hand moved lower into her bathing suit, teasing the urges coiled up in her until they started to slowly unfurl like ribbon off of a spool. Her mouth fell open as she released a heavy breath and Han took the opportunity to lower his lips down to hers and kiss her.

Easing himself towards her, her breasts pressed up against his warm, broad chest as his hand began to push her bathing suit down to her thighs. Leia wriggled and bent her knees to help him free her of the garment and she pressed herself against him in a desperate need to feel him. Han quickly rolled onto his back, stripping his suit off and throwing it across the platform as it landed with a wet thud.

He rolled back over and nestled himself on top of her and in between her legs. His hands rested on either side of her shoulders and his face hovered over hers. "You wanted me that day…like this." His face was serious and his voice was low and raspy. She felt her mouth fall open slightly, as time seemed to stand still between them.

She looked at him and nodded her head ever so slightly in affirmation. Yes, she had wanted him like this back then and even more so now. Han lowered himself to her in response, starting with a long, deep, lingering kiss as he brushed up against her, pushing her patience to its limit. Reaching her hands down to his hips, she pulled him to her until finally, he guided himself inside of her and a throaty, high-pitched moan escaped up her throat in response.

As Han broke their kiss, Leia let out a tiny gasp as he pushed himself deeper inside of her, their eyes locked on one another. Had she ever wanted him more than she did at this very moment? How did he manage to increase this intense want she felt for him every single time? As her eyes rolled back in her head, she left the questions rolling around in her mind unanswered. They were like hyperdrive theorems and …cooking, she didn't need to know how they got done, only that she enjoyed the benefits of them when they did.

The sound of the platform rocking against the water put music to Han's steady rhythm. Dragging her fingernails up his back, she nibbled on his earlobe as she moved her hips with his.

"Gods, Leia. Do you have any idea what you do to me?"

She smiled, having a very good idea but she could only respond with a low, throaty moan as Han straightened his arms, pushed himself up and away from her and slowly moved within her, expertly guiding her to the edge of her climax as only he knew how. In that instant, the years shot through her in a flash, their memories and fantasies coalescing into this moment until the regrets of that day disappeared like the clouds over the horizon and only this was left between them.

Her hips stilled as Han continued to move against her and everything around her slowly came into focus in tiny bits and pieces; the sweat and the breeze and the sound of the water slapping against the platform, the tightness spinning inside of her to the point of breaking, the steady rhythm of Han's body with hers and their words still floating in the air around them. She pulled him down to her as a tingling warmth burst inside of her and spread through her body from her fingertips to her scalp and down to her toes.

She whispered she loved him as she clung to him, her body trembling in the aftermath. He moved his head to kiss her and she started to move her hips again, encouraging him to increase his tempo and join her, the music of the platform on the water reaching a crescendo as their pace increased.

The pull began to build inside of her again and Han broke their kiss and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She recognized his signs and she knew that he was close. Running her fingers through his hair, she bit her lip as he called out her name. She closed her eyes in concentration, feeling another release just at the edge of her fingertips and as their hips moved together, she let her climax crash over her once more. A final thrust and Han's body collapsed on top of hers as he joined her, heavy and sweaty, their chests rising and falling together in harmony.

With a quick kiss on the cheek, he whispered he loved her before rolling off of her and lying on his back beside her. They lay next to each other in silence, their heavy breathing the only sound around them mixing in with her heart beat as it thundered in her ears. She felt like a feather on the wind as her body slowly floated down from its euphoric high and as she caught her breath, she noticed the quiet melody of the waves against the platform, the gentle breeze now the only thing causing its wake.

Han reached out and grabbed her hand as he gave it a tender squeeze, grounding her back into this moment. After a long silence, she heard Han chuckle and then say breathlessly, "I think we may be on to something here."

Turning her head to look at him, she found him staring straight up into the sky and she studied his profile for a moment before she asked, "What's that?"

He turned to look at her, giving her hand another squeeze, before he said, "First Yavin…now Naboo. We could do an entire tour of every place we should've made love, but didn't."

She laughed and rolled onto her side toward him. Placing her hand on his chest, she said, "I'd like to see you explain that itinerary to Mon Mothma…or Luke, or Carlist, for that matter."

"I think everybody knows we have sex now, sweetheart." Han leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and then he got up and walked over to the other side of the platform, tossing the pieces of her bathing suit to her as he walked back with his swim trunks in his hands.

Standing in front of her, he slipped on his bathing suit. She sat up and began to put her top back on. "True," she replied. "But that doesn't mean we have to advertise the fact so overtly." Running her fingers over the angry red skin on his knees, she added, "Which means…no shorts for you this trip."

Looking down at his brush-burned knees, Han grinned at her and replied, "That'll be a small price to pay."

* * *

Several hours later, Leia walked along the shoreline of the lake, the sun setting over the mountains behind her as she stopped every now and then, when a certain shell or rock caught her eye. Bending down to scoop up another treasure, Leia looked over towards Han, smiled as she stood back up and winked at him.

He sat on a blanket underneath a small tarp he had set up on the sandy beach, sipping on an iced beverage. Returning her wink, she watched him as he relaxed back on the blanket and closed his eyes. Leia looked back out over the lake and inhaled the fresh air, enjoying the light, cool breeze as it whipped around her, rustling the tall grass in the field off in the distance and causing her dress to flutter around her knees.

Walking over to the blanket where Han lay, Leia watched a smile creep across his face, as she snuggled up alongside his warm body and pulled the light blanket over them. He kept his eyes closed as she rested her head on his chest. After several deep breaths, she sighed deeply and said, "I could stay here forever."

"Ummmm," Han rumbled as he wrapped his arm around his wife and pulled her towards him. Taking his other hand and placing it behind his head, he opened his eyes to look at her as he replied, "Let's do it. We could live on the _Falcon_, make love on this beach every day…have a coupla little Leias running around collecting rocks and shells along the shoreline."

"A couple of little Leias?" she asked inquisitively.

Han looked at her pointedly for a moment. They never talked about having children. Han knew how she felt about it and he usually treaded very lightly on the subject. Taking a deep breath he replied, "Hey, this is my fantasy, I can have a coupla little Leias running around if I want to."

She eyed him for a moment and then her expression relaxed, realizing that arguing over a fantasy was not only silly, but would also ruin this perfect day. And if she was totally honest with herself, she couldn't deny that her fantasies might also include children if everything wasn't the way it was.

Trying not to let such sobering thoughts destroy the moment, she smiled at him and said, "Curious that you don't have at least one little Han in there somewhere."

"No," he answered with a chuckle, "even in my wildest fantasies, _I'm_ the only man in your life."

Wrapping her arm around his chest, she squeezed him and said, "Hmmmm, I wish I could say the same."

"Naughty, naughty, Princess!" He growled as he pulled her on top of him and kissed her deeply.

* * *

Later, resting contently in each other's arms and wrapped in a light blanket, Han and Leia watched the shimmering reflection of Naboo's moons reflecting off of the still, lake water.

She thought about what faced her tomorrow and of all the things that she might find. When Luke had first told her who their mother was, if it had done anything, it had dispelled any doubt that her father, Bail Organa, had indeed known her real mother. But just what implications she could draw from that were just as cloudy and mixed as they had been before.

The more truth that was discovered about her past, it seemed, the more distance it put between the memory of her adoptive parents and the life she had known and cherished. This was especially so when it came to the memory of her adoptive father, a fact that had weighed heavily on Leia since the discovery of her true heritage.

Leia lifted her head from where it had rested in the crook of Han's arm and as her eyes followed the edge of the lake over to the field beside them, she stopped and stared at an invisible point in the distance, the tall, swaying grass a blur in her peripheral vision. Sighing, she finally said, "This place reminded me of Alderaan, when we landed here back that day."

Han grabbed a piece of her hair and twirled it in between his fingers as he watched her. He didn't reply.

"We had a small beach like this at the Palace on Aldera," she went on and in her mind the castle stood before her in the distance.

Han continued to play with her hair, trailing his fingers along her jaw line and down her naked arm. She knew that he loved when she talked about Alderaan and her childhood and as time went on it became easier and easier for her to indulge him with this simple pleasure.

"My father could see the beach from his office window and my mother would sit out on the veranda and watch me and Winter play in the sand. We would spend hours out there until finally Bail would come down and join us. He always said that he couldn't resist the feeling of sand between his toes at sunset."

A tender smile spread across her lips as she let the memory play inside of her mind for a few quiet moments and then she looked at Han, his eyes staring back at her, open and warm. After everything they had been through, there was no doubt now that Han had always tried to do his best to love her and protect her and no matter what had happened back then with her real mother, she could only believe that her adoptive father had tried to do the same.

Han placed one of his hands over hers and squeezed it as he gave her a wink and a smile. She looked away from him and back towards the field as she said, "He really was a great father," as she said the words her father's memory wrapped around her like a warm embrace and her eyes grew moist. She could almost see his silhouette standing in the window and smiling down at her from the imaginary castle in the distance. Looking back at Han, she added, "I guess I'd lost sight of that for a while."

Han pulled her to him and they kissed briefly. Pulling away from him she stared into his eyes. This trip had seemed so daunting, so…intimidating, just days ago. Han had certainly been her rock throughout this entire ordeal and she often wondered where she would be without him. He always seemed to know the right things to say and do, even if it meant not saying or doing anything sometimes. Just like this small trip he had planned, even if he had not set out to do it, it seemed that it had been just what she needed to transition into this new reality that was being thrust upon her.

Tomorrow she would meet strangers that were her grandparents, aunt, and cousin. But today, on a small beach by a tranquil lake in the arms of the man she loved, she had taken a tentative step towards peace with her past. She smiled at her husband and kissed him again, this time a long and lingering kiss that made the ache inside of her chest burn.

They spent the night on the _Falcon_ and she and Han walked along the beach one last time the next morning before heading to Theed to meet Luke and her family. Han stopped at one point and bent down to pick something up as they headed up the beach one last time. As he held it up for Leia to see, she stopped in her tracks and looked at what he had found. It was a multi-colored shell that was smooth along the bottom with several small, spiral protrusions that looked like turrets jutting out from the other side.

She smiled at him and kissed him as she took the shell into her hand. Turning it over and studying it, she whispered, "It's a castle."

Han didn't say a word as he wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly in his embrace. They walked in silence to the _Falcon_ as Leia let the tears fall freely down her cheeks. The tiny castle nestled in the palm of her hand as memories of her father and her childhood and a castle by the lake, swirled warmly inside of her soul.


	3. Chapter 3  Encounters

Journeys and Destinations

Chapter Three: Encounters

The visit to Theed was going better than Leia had expected. Of course, she admitted that with the pessimistic view she had held for the visit, anything could have probably been called better than what she had prepared herself for. Having Luke already there, paving the way for her, was especially comforting. Between her husband and her brother's presence surrounding her, Leia felt sure she could face whatever the galaxy had in store.

Their first couple of days on Theed were spent with Leia's Aunt Sola Naberrie, her daughter Pooja and Pooja's husband, Kyle and their three children: Liam, Ansel and Chloe. Pooja had served as Senator for Naboo at the same time as Leia had represented Alderaan. The two now met as old friends as well as newly discovered cousins. Pooja's older sister, Ryoo and her family were off-planet on an extended vacation.

Pooja worked as an adviser to Naboo's current queen, Queen Jahara. Part of their trip included visiting the current monarch at Naboo's Royal Palace, where Leia was able to speak to several people who had served under her mother as well as view holograms of her, read directives written in her hand and see sculptures and other artwork created in her likeness.

As Leia lingered in front of one particular sculpture of her mother, Pooja walked up beside her and said, "I always wished I could've known her, I can only imagine how you feel."

Leia nodded her head in acknowledgement, feeling a surge of emotions creep her throat, she was unable to find her voice even if she could have found the right words to reply.

The sculpture was carved from a shimmering stone that Leia knew to be native to Naboo. Her mother was in a long flowing gown and her hair spiraled down in curls over her shoulders. Her right hand was raised and a small winged-animal sat perched on her outstretched hand.

"She loved to walk through the Royal Gardens," Pooja whispered. "My mother said it was because she liked to organize her thoughts there, amidst the sounds and the creatures of nature," turning to look at the sculpture she continued, "She said the animals had their own politics, but that they were always over matters of importance, of life and death, not money or petty personal agendas."

Leia smiled and looked at her cousin. Pooja turned her head and their eyes met as she said, " She loved ponds and brooks. Anything to do with water."

Leia whispered, "I do, too."

Learning about her mother was interesting and comforting, finally finding something about her heritage that she could embrace and be proud of. Trying to reconcile the woman that her mother was to the woman that fell in love with the person that would eventually become Darth Vader, however, was more than a little unsettling in contrast. How could her mother seem to be so intelligent and passionate and dedicated, so much like herself, and yet make such a colossal misjudgment in love? This thought made her appreciate finding Han more than she ever had before.

As Leia and Pooja walked to catch up to the others, Pooja said, "Everyone is so excited to have you and Luke here with us. We actually had to politely discourage some of our relatives from coming." Leia turned to look at Pooja and Pooja added with a smile, "Some from other planets, mind you."

"I'm just as excited to be here," Leia replied and then as she moved her eyes forward, she said, "but I appreciate the gesture."

"Yes, well, we didn't wish to overwhelm you on your first visit."

As Leia met her extended family, she became more and more surprised by the way that they all seemed to know her and love her already . She had never, ever in her life walked into anything so blindly. One only needed to ask her husband for proof of that. Thus far, she didn't feel any more for these new family members than she would for a casual acquaintance. They all seemed very nice, of course, but she didn't feel this immediate love that she thought they felt for her.

This kind of thing made Leia think, and not for the first time, that she was just 'wired' differently than most people. This was another reason she didn't know if she was cutout to be a mother. She had heard about this instantaneous love that people felt for their newborn babies, never loving anything more in their entire life. She worried that she might not feel that automatic love and wondered what kind of mother that would make her if that happened. More of an immediate concern was what kind of niece and granddaughter did that make her now? It wasn't that she didn't love; she knew she was capable of that, but she loved those that had earned it and deserved it and she wondered if she could suspend that habit for her new found family, or even if she should.

* * *

On their fourth day, the group traveled to the family's lake house, Varykino, where they visited Leia's grandparents, Ruwee and Jobal Thule Naberrie. The family picnicked by the lake as friends and visitors stopped by to welcome the three newest members of their extended Naboo family.

Having grown up on Alderaan, always cognizant of how different she looked from her green-eyed, olive-skinned, dark-haired parents, seeing and meeting a group of people that looked so much like her was somewhat disconcerting for Leia. Small things, like the way her hands looked just like her grandmother's and the way she and her cousin had some of the same quirks and personality traits, even after growing up a galaxy apart, amazed as well as scared Leia with their seemingly innocuous implications.

How could she be a part of something she didn't even know about just two months ago? Was she a part of that something now? She was still concerned about what exactly she _should _be feeling at this critical juncture and she wondered if she should already feel like a part of this family or if all of that would come along in time.

Snuggled in bed with Han one evening, she said, "I've always only thought of myself as being Alderaanni. Even though I knew I was adopted, I guess I just never thought about this whole other set of people that might be out in the galaxy somewhere with my same eyes, and hands and…"

Han squeezed her against him and said, "Short legs and small feet?"

She let him kiss her on her forehead while she smiled and said, "You're so sensitive, Han."

Han had always told her that he had never met anyone with a bigger heart than she had. He said that she cared for the entire galaxy and, she guessed she could admit that that was true to a certain extent. She wondered, though, if she had been so focused on the whole that she was overlooking the individual parts. But wasn't that personal interaction the one thing that she had felt was missing from her role on Coruscant? It was why she had envied Chewbacca's position as representative of his people on Kashyyyk and Luke's position with his students on Yavin, because of the intimate contact it afforded them with the people they worked for and with.

Wasn't her initial passion for government and justice ignited by the love of her family and her people? Hadn't _that_ been a blind love? She wondered if she was even capable of feeling the kind of connection that she had had for the people of Alderaan anymore. A worry crossed her mind that her life had changed her so much since then that she would never be able to find that part of herself again. And if that was true, than just how high of a price had she paid for victory?

* * *

On the seventh morning, leaving their grandparents behind, the rest of the group returned to Theed to say their final goodbyes. On the trip back to Theed, Leia had found some time alone to talk to Luke about her reservations, but she realized quickly that she and he were not on the same page once again. Luke was all in, like everyone else, which just depressed her even more. Luke was her twin brother, yet in all matters of family, they had yet to hold the same view or find anything resembling a common ground.

Back at Theed, while all these things weighed heavily on her mind, Leia took a walk through her aunt's flower garden as Luke accompanied Han to prepare the _Falcon_ for the trip home. Leia imagined her mother walking through this same garden, organizing her thoughts and finding sanctuary in the tranquil solitude. After several turns around the garden, Leia saw her Aunt Sola walking towards her in the distance and turned to meet her half way.

"Leia," Sola began and as she motioned to Leia with her hand, the two turned side-by-side and began to walk the grounds together before Sola began to speak again, "There's something I wanted to discuss with you before you left."

"Yes?" Leia replied as she turned to look at the older woman.

A gentle breeze rustled some fallen leaves on their path and Sola gently took Leia by the arm as she said, "I cannot tell you how much it means to our family to find both you and Luke. Parts of our Padme that are still gracing the galaxy with her spirit."

"Thank you," Leia replied as they walked slowly together, arm-in-arm. "It's hard for me to express how much finding you all means to me as well. It's almost as if I have found…"

"Your family," Sola finished her thought as she stopped at a curvature in the pathway before them that wrapped around a small pond.

Leia watched as the fountain in the middle of the pond trickled water over a shimmering sphere painted to look like Naboo. She followed a leaf that skimmed the surface of the pond, before she brought her eyes back up to Sola's and replied, "Yes."

"Family is a strange thing as I'm sure you know," Sola said as she began to walk again, leading Leia around the pond and toward a copse of trees in the distance. "It can be grounding and humbling. At times even frustrating as well." Leia shook her head as her aunt spoke, but said nothing. Unsure of exactly where this conversation was headed, she concentrated on the trees in the distance. "It can be uplifting, inspiring and encouraging, too," Sola explained, and then stopping again she turned to look at Leia and said, "You and Luke have been uplifting and inspiring to us."

"Thank you," Leia responded with a smile.

"We think it would be wonderful if you could extend that inspiration to the people of Naboo. _Your_ people."

"What do you mean?"

"As I'm sure you know, Naboo has been unjustly placed in the center of the political ills of the galaxy since the days of the Old Republic. Although we are a peaceful people we were thrust into the fray unwittingly by Chancellor Palpatine, it is something we have never fully recovered from."

Leia looked towards the trees in the distance, at the invisible wind that made them bend and sway and as she swallowed the lump in her throat she turned back to Sola and said, "I don't know what you think-"

"We have struggled to regain our footing in the galactic arena. Our political leaders have faltered under the dissension and inherent mistrust of our people."

"I will certainly speak to the Ambassador of Naboo about this, as-"

"I'm afraid I have something slightly more specific in mind than just a whisper in someone's ear, Leia."

"How specific?"

This time it was Sola's eyes that wandered off to the distance and after a brief moment of silence, she turned her attention back to Leia and said, "We want you to represent your people as Senator of Naboo."

Leia felt the blood drain from her face as she digested her aunt's words. Shaking her head in confusion, she asked, "Who is '_we'_?"

Gently snaking her arm back around Leia's, Sola turned and they began to walk again as she explained, "It started with an inquiry by Queen Jahara, herself. _We_ also includes your family and several other dignitaries and representatives that see you coming to us as a blessing. A gift, if you will," and then Sola stopped again, turned towards Leia and looked her right in the eye as she added, "_We_, I assure you, includes every single citizen of Naboo."

Leia opened her mouth and shook her head for a moment before any words would come out, finally spitting out, "_I'm_ not even a citizen-"

"You are by birth," Sola dismissed Leia's argument with a huff and then as she turned and began to walk again she added, "You and your brother both are _automatically_ citizens of royal descent and are already recognized as such."

Organizing her thoughts more clearly, Leia countered, "There's more to my birthright than Padme Amidala."

"You refer to your father."

"Yes, are you sure that the citizens of Naboo will be so quick to embrace the child of Darth Vader?"

Sola spun around to her and hissed, "My sister never _laid down_ with Darth Vader!"

"I'm sorry," Leia replied and then argued, "But that doesn't change who my father became and most people are not able to see beyond that."

"Whatever your father _became_ was not the person my sister loved and created you and your brother with."

"I'm afraid I just can't separate the two so easily. And I don't think I'm alone on that."

Sola studied her for a moment and then sighed heavily as she responded, "I think you will find the people of Naboo see it differently. Your mother was the greatest Queen that Naboo ever had. As far as her people are concerned, she died for them. Her children are beyond reproach."

"_No one_ should be beyond reproach," Leia countered quickly and then added, "Perhaps that is a lesson that your people still need to learn."

"Perhaps," Sola conceded and the two women stared at each other for a moment before Sola turned back towards the way that had come and as the two began to walk again, she stated, "This conversation will all be academic anyway if you will not even consider my request."

"No," Leia shook her head and said, "I promise you, I will seriously consider it."

Her aunt placed her arm around Leia's waist and gave it a squeeze and with a broad smile, she said, "Then I will work on addressing your concern. To determine the pulse of the citizens regarding their opinion of…your birthright." Stopping again in front of the small pond, Sola turned to Leia and said, "We do not wish to feed you to the krayt dragons, Leia."

"I worry that you will raise either false hope or unnecessary upheaval, if news of this request goes any further than it already has."

"I appreciate your concern and you can consider it duly noted. I will do my best to minimize the impact of this discussion, _regardless_ of the final outcome."

"Thank you."

When the two women arrived back at the house, Han and Luke were waiting for them and the trio said their final goodbyes to the Naberrie family and headed to the private hangar where the _Millennium Falcon_ was docked.

The conversation with her aunt was quickly overshadowed by an overwhelming feeling that Han and Luke were up to something. Just what they were up to, Leia could not figure out. During these moments, Leia vaguely wished that she had more control of her Force talents, but these lapses were so few and far between and usually for such selfish reasons that she never entertained them for very long – certainly not enough to actually mention them to her brother.

"Why aren't Han and I to flying you back to Yavin?" Leia asked as they stood around the hangar floor waiting for Luke's ride. Han and Luke both looked at her and she unfolded her arms.

"Because I've already made arrangements for one of my students to come pick me up," Luke explained for the fifteenth time since they had left their Aunt Sola's house.

Leia watched with narrowed eyes as her husband cleared his throat and Luke looked nervously toward the empty hangar bay that had been cleared for his transport.

"Alright," Leia said with a heavy sigh, "I've been more than patient with you two, now which one of you is going to tell me what's going on?"

Looking at her husband first, Leia watched his gaze fall to his feet. Turning to her brother she found Luke staring at her as if she were the Emperor himself. Luke's mouth opened and then hung there for a little bit in silence, until finally he said, "Do you remember Nadia, one of the newer students that was on Yavin last time you were there?"

Turning her head and squinting her eyes, she looked at Han again who then quickly turned away. Looking back at Luke, she answered, "Yes."

Luke let out a big sigh and said, "Well, she's coming to pick me up and I wanted you to meet her…again."

Folding her arms, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head, she replied, "And what precisely about _that_ has you guys all worked up?" Now it was Leia's turn to stand there with her mouth hanging open as things began to fall into place for her. She watched Luke's gaze drop down to his feet as she turned to find Han staring at her with a big, wide grin, waggling his eyebrows at her like he liked to do.

Smiling now she felt her cheeks begin to burn. Responding to her silence, Luke's lifted his head to look up at her. Organizing her thoughts, she finally said, "So, am I to assume that meeting_ me_ would make this pretty serious, then?"

"You can _assume_ that I've put this off as long as humanly possible," Luke replied with the faintest hint of a smile on his lips.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" Leia exclaimed, but the conversation was halted by the arrival of Luke's X-wing with Artoo in tow. As Leia glared at the landing star ship she shouted to Luke over the din of the repulsor lifts, "She's flying your X-wing? Do you guys already have any kids that I don't know about?"

Luke chuckled but did not respond. Leia then asked, "How are you both going to fly back to Yavin in your X-Wing?"

"We're not. Aunt Sola has arranged for a Naboo Yacht to be donated to the Academy, we'll be taking it back with my X-wing onboard."

After visiting with Luke and his girlfriend, everyone began to say their goodbyes. As Han answered a question from Nadia about the _Falcon_, Luke slung his arm around Leia's shoulder and whispered, "You know we were only teasing you earlier."

"I know," she answered and then looking at him she felt her cheeks burn and she added, "I mean, I figured."

"I'm sorry, Leia. You don't usually…"

Shaking her head, Leia confessed, "Don't give it a second thought, Luke. I was just caught off-guard. I guess…I guess I was being unusually sensitive. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now."

Leia watched as Han and Nadia started to walk towards them. She felt Luke squeeze his arm around her and then heard him say, "I could tell." She looked at him and he continued, "I understood what you were trying to say the other day, Leia. This is an enormous change for both of us to finally find this…extension of ourselves. Remember, I was here several days before you and had some more time to absorb it. Just give yourself time and…it won't seem so overwhelming."

Leia smiled at him and as Han and Nadia joined them. Luke and Han began to discuss plans for another get together, for either she and Han to travel to Yavin or for Luke and Nadia to come to Coruscant. As the men discussed that Leia turned to Nadia and said, "You looked like a natural landing that X-wing. Have you always flown?"

Nadia smiled at her and replied, "My father is a pilot and yes, I don't ever remember not flying."

Leia saw a twinkle in Nadia's eye when she spoke of her father and flying and the two traded a few stories while Han and Luke joined in. Leia smiled at the thought that a love of flying was something all four of them seemed to have in common.

Leia found Nadia easy to talk to and it made her remember how long it had been since she had had a girlfriend to chat with. Nadia was slightly taller than Leia, almost matching Luke in height. She had a slender build with long legs that made her seem even taller than she was. Her hair was brown, like Leia's but it was lighter with some natural, golden hi-lites framing her face. She kept her hair cut short, the ends just breaking at her shoulders. Her eyes were the pale blue and when she looked at you they were almost mesmerizing. She wore very little make-up and she had a natural beauty. Leia thought most people might describe her as 'cute' more so than 'beautiful' because she exuded an innocence that made her seem young and naive.

Everyone began to exchange their final goodbyes with promises to see each other very soon and then Han and Leia boarded the _Falcon_ to head back to Coruscant.

As the ship traveled smoothly through hyperspace, Leia's first thoughts were about Luke's girlfriend. She had remembered meeting Nadia on her last visit to Yavin and she had struck Leia as genuine and kind-hearted and even-tempered and she saw all of those things in Nadia again during their brief visit. Luke and Nadia seemed comfortable together and Leia was pleased to think that Luke had finally found someone to share his life with. All in all, Leia could only hope that Luke and Nadia could have what she and Han shared, realizing again, just how lucky they were to have found each other.

Now, whether or not it was because Han seemed more than content to talk about Luke's love interest the entire time or that she felt a need to hide it from Han, Leia never got around to mentioning the conversation that she and her Aunt Sola had shared in the garden. And as the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Leia resigned herself to the fact that the right opportunity had just somehow never presented itself.

What had presented itself was an…_uneasiness_. For Leia, everything had begun to feel irksome and suffocating. From her office, to her assistant, to the path she took home every day. She tried a different route, a different time, she would leave early, she would stay late. The doorman at the entrance of her office building, the turbolifts up to her apartment. The seventh light on the right in the hallway before her office door that was burnt out. Everything bothered her, more so than ever before.

She felt helpless and pressured even though her aunt had not mentioned a thing about their conversation since her visit. This made Leia worry that perhaps her aunt's 'gentle inquiry' hadn't yielded the results that she had anticipated and the position was not a possibility after all. With these thoughts, Leia's mood would swing from depressed to disappointed. She didn't want the choice taken away from her but she did not want to make the choice.

Although Leia had assured her aunt that she would consider her offer, she had found very little time or incentive to consider the prospect seriously. She reasoned that her role in the New Republic was just not something a person walked away from. That would be like striving for something your entire life and then achieving it only to throw it away. What was a Senator compared to her Ambassadorship? And how could she turn her back on the New Republic during this crucial time while their fledgling government was in its infancy?

Even so, the conversation with her aunt Sola haunted Leia's dreams. No stranger to nightmares, Leia knew this meant that the issue needed to be addressed and resolved but she hid from it in the daylight and rationalized her fears away every morning, regardless.

All of this anxiety and turmoil had begun to take its toll on her and although she recognized the symptoms she was unable to stop its momentum. She hadn't told Han about it and now she felt that it was too late. In not contacting her aunt, Leia worried that Sola had taken that as a sign of Leia's disinterest. Or perhaps, Leia worried, that she had offended her aunt when speaking of her father. And most importantly, Leia had yet to decide if she would even consider leaving the New Republic at all, for any position. The situation seemed very much out of control and Leia was feeling crushed by the weight of it.

It wasn't a very big surprise that Han had noticed a change in her of late. But she had been successful at evading his questions for the past several weeks, citing work, stress and all the usual suspects. That is until she found herself one evening, sitting at their dining room table across from her husband. She squirmed in her seat and the chair squeaked, the way that it always did but now seemed to grate her nerves like never before and she sighed heavily in response.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Han asked her again; even his compassion was wearing thin on her weakened character.

Placing her fork down beside her, she shook her head and sighed, "I'm just…"

"What?"

"It's just…everything."

"I think you're going to have to be a little more specific, Leia," Han said as he rose out of his seat and began to walk towards her.

"I just feel like everything is closing in all around me," she tried to explain as he leaned against the table next to her. Leaning back in her chair, she took her hand and pressed it against her forehead before sliding it down over her eyes. Sighing heavily, she said, "I don't know."

"What do you want to do?" Han asked as he trailed his finger down her cheek and took her hand away from her eyes, "Do you want to go away for a little while? Take a vacation? We could go see your brother."

"No," she said as she shook her head, "No, I have too much going on here with the trade summit approaching, there's no way I can leave."

"Well, speaking of that," Han began and as Leia watched him shuffle on his feet a little bit, he continued, "I told Cade that I think now would be a good time to start searching for my replacement. I think it's time I moved on to something else and participation in this trade summit would be good training for whoever they find to replace me."

Han had told her before they got married that he didn't see himself in his current role for much longer, some not-so-subtle hints he had been dropping ever since made his revelation a little less than surprising. Suddenly she felt the desire to tell Han about her and her Aunt Sola's conversation, but she thought better of it as she asked, "Do you know what you want to do?"

"I don't know. Wedge's hinted around that they could use some help with the Rogue Squadron. I could do that for awhile, be sort of a trainer," he explained and then taking her hand, he pulled her up to a standing position. Pulling her to him as he wrapped his arms around her lower back, he added, "Right now, though, I could just take care of you." Leia's eyelids fell shut as Han kissed her on the forehead and his hands stroked her back. Lowering his head next to hers, he whispered in her ear, "Maybe after the summit we can find a little planet…somewhere we haven't been to yet…and make love under a brand new set of stars."

Pulling away from him, she looked up and replied, "I think I just might put you on _my_ payroll if you keep talking like that."

"You couldn't afford me, Your Highness," he replied as he tapped her nose with his finger and smiled.

"You're probably right…," Leia whispered as she stretched up to kiss him.


	4. Chapter 4  Decisions of the Past

Journeys and Destinations

Chapter Four: Decisions of the Past

Several weeks later, Leia sat in her office and stared at her holoscreen. Her Aunt Sola had written her. The two had been exchanging notes for the past few months, keeping in touch and continuing to get to know each other. Sola had danced around the topic of their conversation in all of her previous communications. She would speak of the Queen's political concerns and of Naboo's upcoming elections and appointments, but never anything specifically mentioning Leia or pressing her for a decision. That is until this note today.

Leia had read the note several times over, yet the words didn't get any easier to absorb. It seemed the Queen was anxious to hear of Leia's thoughts and had even requested a meeting between the two of them. Sola indicated that the Queen was open to several different opportunities for Leia and, showing signs that they may be reacting to Leia's hesitation, indicated that perhaps a Senatorial position had been too aggressive on their part. She read over the many different options that the Queen and her cabinet had discussed as possibilities for their newest royal ascendant and political ally. From Senator to an adviser like her cousin, all the positions seemed tempting and thrilling and terrifying all at the same time.

However, for all the implications that the political opportunities brought forward, it was a few, short, perhaps last minute thoughts that her aunt had added in a post script that weighed most heavily on Leia's mind.

_P.S. My dearest Leia, I am not alone when I say that your family feels that this opportunity to have you here on Naboo, not only serving your people, but becoming close with your family, would be a double blessing. We look forward to hearing from you soon._

During Leia's visit to Naboo she had felt overwhelmed by the discovery of her family. She feared that everyone held these expectations of her, wanted something from her or wanted a piece of her and she wondered just how much of herself that she had left to give. Overall the trip had been exhausting as all of these anxieties had eaten away at her.

But hindsight, such as it is, had changed the visit in Leia's eyes. She smiled every time she thought of the warm embrace that she had received from her grandparents. And she replayed the stories of her mother that she had heard over and over in her mind so that she wouldn't very soon forget them. There was a moment, walking through the Palace Gardens with Queen Jahara, when Leia had felt a cool sensation pass over her at the realization that she was standing in the exact same spot that her mother had once stood and she was able to relive that feeling now almost on demand.

All of these memories played together and Leia realized that finding her family had not taken pieces from her, it had made her complete. And she found now that she was away from them, she felt like a piece of her was missing. She had feared that she would not feel a part of this something that had been hidden from her all of her life, but somehow she did now without any conscious effort on her part. Like a key that is useless until you find the correct lock. Something had broke free inside of her and these pieces had flooded in, quickly and easily finding their places inside of her heart as if they had always belonged there but were merely waiting for the invitation to enter and make themselves at home.

She yearned to be surrounded by her family again. The many stories she had yet to hear seemed to call to her with a tempting whisper. She looked across her desk to the map of the galaxy mounted on her wall. The galaxy, which for so many years now had been a multitude of planets sprinkled before her, no one special amongst the others, now became a universe surrounded by one place. Naboo caught her eye right away, like one's home planet will do.

Turning towards the window, Leia felt panicked and the sensation that she was suffocating nearly overwhelmed her. She stood up and walked to the window, watching the busy city dart about her in the skies and the street below. Should embracing Naboo feel like she was betraying Alderaan? Right or wrong, it did. But can one really turn their back on something that isn't there? Alderaan would always be her home, but it was never coming back.

Her time working towards and becoming Senator for Alderaan had been some of the happiest of her life and she couldn't deny that her aunt's proposal reminded her of that time and almost seemed an offer to recapture the past. This was exactly what she had seen and envied in Chewie's position on Kashyyyk; an opportunity to represent a people, fight with a passion and…have a place to call home.

It shouldn't have been a great mystery to her that she missed having a home planet, but when those words trickled through her mind she felt a wave of nausea pass over her and she was shocked by the violent reaction. She pressed her hands and leaned her forehead against the cool glass as she tried to steady herself. Watching her breath create a fog against the window, she took a deep breath and straightened herself up.

Her father had always told her that remembering and honoring and learning from one's past was vitally important, but never at the expense of looking to the future. She had certainly been guilty of doing that already in her short life. Was she making that same mistake now?

Her mind slowly shifted into problem-solving mode. If she were to do this she would have to leave Coruscant and her role in the New Republic. Perhaps she could take a sabbatical and if things didn't work out she could return. But if she left to do this, wouldn't it be like admitting that she wasn't happy or fulfilled with her role and would she really want to return to it? Or would they want her back? She ran her finger down the tiny circle of condensation that her breath had left on the window.

And then she thought of Han and she wondered why she still hadn't told him or talked to him about the whole idea. Was it because she was genuinely _not_ interested in the position? Leia walked back over to her desk and sat in front of the holoscreen once again. Looking back at her aunt's words, she shook her head. Could it more likely be that her genuine interest in the position scared her? And that Han would press her on it either way?

Resting her elbows on her desk, she cradled her head in her hands. So much of her life, for so many years, had felt out of her control. She wondered when she would feel as though her feet were firmly planted beneath her and that her destiny was in her hands. Marrying Han had been one of the few things that had made her feel that way. And although the decision to marry him was a fairly quick and easy one, she was reminded of the years she wasted fighting her feelings for him, denying herself a happiness that she now couldn't imagine ever living a single second without.

Sighing heavily, she closed her aunt's note and went back to work.

* * *

Lounging on the sofa her next day off, Leia sat with her feet propped up on the kaffe table. Han was sprawled out across the sofa with his head resting on her thigh as she lazily ran her fingers through his unruly hair. The sound of the apartment's bell broke the silence that had settled over the room.

"You expecting anyone?" Leia ventured as Han looked up at her.

"Not particularly," he answered as he lifted his head to allow her to rise up off the sofa.

Leia looked back down at him suspiciously before she walked toward the door and checked the holomonitor.

"Luke!" She squealed as she palmed the door open. "What are you doing here?" she asked while still wrapped up in a giant hug.

"Well," Luke started and then looked at Han, who had gotten off of the sofa and was walking towards them.

"You knew?" Leia accused her husband, and then shaking her head, said, "At least you could have told me to get dressed this morning." Both Han and Leia were still sporting their pajamas and robes.

"Naw," Luke argued as he set his bag down, "I like getting to see you relaxed for a change. Besides, I don't ever want to be treated like company."

"I promise you, you'll never have to worry about that with me," Han replied as he gave his brother-in-law a quick hug.

"Where's Nadia?" Leia asked.

"No Nadia this trip. Just me and just for a couple of days."

"Well, come on in and get settled while I go and get dressed," Leia replied as Han and Luke made their way to the living room and Leia disappeared into her bedroom.

The trio headed to the outskirts of Coruscant where an old town sat nestled around several small lakes. They walked along the city streets, touring some of its older homes and shopping along the way. Why her husband and her brother had not only suggested to do this today, but seemed to be enjoying themselves, momentarily baffled Leia. Recalling her mood of late, and watching Han hover over her, she did land on some pretty good ideas, though.

At dinner that evening, seated at a small table in a quaint restaurant overlooking one of those lakes, Luke turned to Leia and asked, "Oh, I've been meaning to ask you, what are your thoughts about that Senatorial position on Naboo? Aunt Sola told me that you and she spoke about it."

If he had come right out and punched her in the mouth it would have been less of a shock. Willing herself not to look at Han, she shook her head and looked down at her plate as she answered, "I really don't think it's a good idea."

Whether through the Force, or her body language or Han's body language, Luke let the question drop there and much to Leia's surprise, Han didn't push the issue or question her about it. In fact, the three of them finished their meal, including a delightful dessert, and headed back to the Solo's apartment without any further incidents.

Arriving at their apartment at a very late hour, they said their good-nights to Luke. Luke headed for his "dedicated" guest room and Han and Leia retired to their bedroom. Leia went straight into the 'fresher, which was a normal routine for the two. However, standing in front of the large mirror as she began to remove her jewelry and makeup, Leia jumped when the 'fresher door opened and Han strode in.

The waves of simmering anger hit her before the sound of his actual words did, as he began, "Senator for Naboo? This isn't something you thought you should discuss with me?"

She turned to look at him, his anger only fueling her defenses. "No, I wasn't even considering it. There was nothing to discuss," she replied, and lied, as she turned to the mirror and began taking her hair down.

"Come off it, Leia. There's a reason you didn't tell me."

This time she moved her eyes towards his reflection and their gazes locked through the mirror as she countered, "I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't tell you because there was nothing to tell." The words sounded hollow even to her own ears and she watched Han's chest swell as he drew in a deep breath.

"You mean to tell me that this didn't interest you in the slightest? After everything you've been telling me about Chewie's position and Luke's relationship with his students…about your time as Senator of Alderaan? None of that had anything to do with anything?"

Each of his arguments hit her like waves lapping up on the shore. Why did she continue to try and convince herself that she could hide things from someone who knew her so well? Looking back at her own reflection in the mirror, she replied, "It doesn't matter. I made a commitment to the New Republic-"

"Fuck the New Republic, Leia!" Han yelled as her eyes rose up quickly to meet his in the mirror once again. "You've done enough for the New Republic! _I've_ done enough for the New Republic! _Luke and Chewie_ have done enough for the New Republic! When will it be time for you to do something for yourself?" And then as if he couldn't speak to her reflection any longer, he grasped her arm and turned her to him and as their eyes met, he continued, "How many Death Stars do we have to blow up, Leia? How many times do we have to put our lives on the line, or our lives on hold, until it'll _finally_ be enough?" Letting go of her arm he lowered his voice and said, "Look around you. Chewie's moved on. Your brother's moved on. _I'm_ moving on."

Looking into his eyes, she shook her head and whispered, "I don't know what you want me to say."

He took a step towards her and placed both his hands on her arms as he pleaded, "It's simple. I want you to look at me and tell me that you're happy."

Leia's mouth immediately dropped open but no sound would come out. '_It's simple_.' She shook her head painfully slow, bit her lip and swallowed the lump in her throat. _'I want you to look at me…'_ There was a knot in the pit of her stomach that seemed to tighten with each shallow breath. _'…and tell me that you're happy.'_ Her stomach burned but she couldn't force even one sound out of her mouth.

Han whispered into her silence, "Leia, I have always supported you. Supported your decisions as long as they made you happy. But I cannot sit back and support you on something that is clearly not making you happy."

"What decisions have _I_ made?" she croaked out in disbelief and as she felt the knot inside of her snap loose, a rush of anger swelling to the surface as her voice rose and she said, "You act like we haven't made these decisions together!"

"_What_ decisions?" Han asked her incredulously as he dropped his hands down to his sides. "Try living on Coruscant? Working for the New Republic? _Children?_"

Words that had felt like waves just moments ago had turned into painful lashes. A tingling sensation washed over her as she clenched her hands into fists. Pressing her lips together, her only response was a stony glare.

Responding to her silence, Han continued, "These are all things that maybe didn't seem like decisions to you because you didn't put them up for debate. But they were decisions _you made_ that affected both of us."

Unclenching her fists, Leia shuffled on her feet as she watched Han's face soften.

Taking a deep breath, Han continued, "Look, I made a lot of…_choices_ before I met you that I know we both had to pay for. I know what I brought to the table and I have been more than willing to let you-"

"Are you comparing my choice _not_ to have children or to work for the New Republic to _running spice_ for Jabba the Hutt?"

"You know what I'm trying to say, Leia. Don't spin it around on me."

Leia knew exactly what Han was trying to say but that didn't make it any better for her. She knew how much he still berated himself for what happened to her not only during his rescue but what she had sacrificed to even come and rescue him. Regardless, she had never asked him to repent for that by blindly accepting her every decision. The thought that he might have done just that made her eyes cross in fury.

Her hands tensed back up into fists and she felt her neck burning red as she spit the words out. "So if my decisions have been so wrong, then _please_ tell me what I'm supposed to do! Please take control of my life since I'm _failing so miserably_ at it!"

"_This."_ Han shot back as he raised his finger and pointed at her. "This is what I'm talking about." And as he looked down at her fists and then back up at her face, he continued, "_This_ is who you are on Coruscant. I want the Leia that I see on Yavin and Kashyyyk and on a beach in Naboo. The Leia that I get when she's _anywhere_ but here!"

These words hit her like punches to the gut and she felt the tightness creep up into her chest and wrap around her heart, squeezing tight like her clenched fists.

Han took a few deep breaths and then lowered his voice as he said, "_That's_ the Leia I married." And after another long, deep breath, he said, "And if you can't find _her_ here, then _here_ is not where we're supposed to be."

She released her hands and pressed them against her thighs as she inhaled a deep breath. Looking at him a moment she held his gaze. "You told me you would support my decision not to have children." The words felt large and painful, creeping up out of her throat. If there was any decision that Leia had not taken lightly, it was that one.

He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. "That's not what this is about, Leia."

A problem that had seemed so large and suffocating for the past few months seemed minuscule in comparison now. She hardly ever fought with Han, not like this and it was terrifying for her. Terrifying because she knew that he had a right to be angry that she had been hiding this from him. But also terrifying because of all the things she cherished in this galaxy, there was nothing or no one more important to her than her husband.

She replayed parts of their argument through her mind. Why couldn't she just tell him she was happy where she was? She couldn't even force herself to say the words. She knew that she had harbored reservations about her role in the New Republic from the very beginning, but was she really _that_ unhappy?

Then she wondered why it had taken Han so long to say these things to her, but she knew that was unfair. Recalling the last few months, she knew that he had been pressing her to talk to him but that she had refused or evaded his questions. Initially she had been relieved when Han hadn't fought her on those things, but now she almost wished that he had.

But she couldn't blame him for her duplicity. There was no way that she would have _not_ worked for the New Republic, at least for a short time. But was that time up now? She didn't quite understand herself why she felt compelled to live a life that clearly wasn't making her happy, as Han had so eloquently pointed out. Would another role make a difference or was it something much larger than a career and even a family that stood in the way of her happiness?

Han had let her stew in her thoughts as he watched her. When she looked back up at him, he said, "I'm sorry."

She wondered what he was sorry for. For telling her what she needed to hear? Or for letting it go on for this long without truly pressing her on it? Regardless, it was so much easier to be angry with him than at herself and his apology seemed to fuel her frustration with the entire issue. Finally she responded, "So am I," as she brushed past him and exited the 'fresher.


	5. Chapter 5  Decisions for the Future

Journeys and Destinations

Chapter Five: Decisions for the Future

Leia lay curled up on her side in the large bed that she normally shared with her husband. Eyes closed, her mind drifted on the outskirts of sleep where her thoughts were still vaguely in her control. She purposefully filled her mind with fond memories, a defensive parry against the tumultuous thoughts that haunted her recently.

She concentrated on memories of her recent trip to Naboo and a warm embrace from her grandmother soothed her soul. A petite woman, like herself, that portrayed the mass of a Wookiee in her posture, her grandmother had been rendered speechless by the sight of her long-lost granddaughter. She stood staring at Leia as if she was an aberration, and Leia recalled feeling as if she was just that. After a long moment, the older woman had stepped towards Leia and pulled her into her arms.

The room spun around them and the faces surrounding them blurred. Her grandmother's breath ragged in her ear, decades of restrained tears falling warmly onto Leia's shoulder. But it was the older woman's whispered words that spun around Leia now. _"You're home. You're home. You're home."_

Leia's eyes flew open and she lifted her head to catch the time on the iridescent chrono. Han was late. Later than had become usual. It had been several weeks since their fight and they had moved along their everyday lives in a mind-numbing routine. Never the kind to stay mad at each other for very long, the argument between them had been quickly forgiven, but not forgotten. The trade summit eating up much of their free time and Han training his replacement taking up even more, the weeks flew by as the distance between them grew.

She flung the covers off of her and rolled out of bed and onto her feet in one swift motion, accepting the defeat of finding a peaceful sleep for yet another night. When the cool air of the apartment hit her she remembered she had forgone any nightclothes when she climbed into her bed over two hours earlier. Not entirely unprecedented, but definitely not the norm of late; she had wanted to surprise Han and try to grasp back at what they had lost. Walking over to the dresser, she pulled a drawer open and scanned its contents. That mood had passed.

Looking down at the contents of the drawer, Leia paused in contemplation. On one side were her old Alliance tanks and tees that she normally slept in and that Han professed were the sexiest things he had ever seen on her, which only made her scan to the other side for the alternative. On the other side were shimmersilk negligees in assorted colors and amounts of fabric allocated, something she wore when she wanted to feel sexy for him. Knowing that either choice yielded her the same result, she opted for an Alliance tee and some boyish boxer underwear. She was feeling more like a rebel by the minute now anyway.

She heaved a heavy sigh as she walked towards the transparisteel doors leading to their balcony. Living like this, with such an unsettled issue resting between her and her husband, was eating away at Leia's insides. They shared dinner together whenever they could, they talked about work, they made love at night, but none of it was the same. None of it was the way it should be, or could be, between them. Leia had sent word to her aunt shortly after their fight and requested more time, but it seemed time itself would be her undoing.

As she watched the bustling activity of Coruscant on the other side of the glass, she put her hand out and rested it against the cool material. Thoughts that she had tried her best to stave off began to flit around her, like minions around a Hutt. Parts of their argument replayed through her mind. Her jaw clenched tightly along with her fists as Leia cringed at the memories.

Resting her forehead alongside her hand against the window, she shook her head back and forth in remorse. She shouldn't have hidden her aunt's proposal from him; she knew that. And his argument that she was not happy, he was right about that, too. She felt guilty for having hidden anything from him, but she hated when he was right, especially when that meant she was wrong. Knowing how stubborn they both were, she wondered how long this rift could actually go on.

The space traffic outside of her window reminded her of a well-choreographed battle. Flashing lights darting about, it was always hard to tell who was on whose side. She was battle-weary, in more ways than one. Lifting her head up, she looked to the skies, out past the planetary shields and wondered how strong the universe thought she was exactly. Maybe if she knew her breaking point, she would know just when to pull up. But there were no warning sirens, no bells or whistles or any such claxon, only her gut and it was spinning – for whatever that meant.

In the last few weeks, Han had spoken more and more of Wedge's offer to work with Rogue Squadron. Although she thought it would be a perfect fit for him, something didn't sit right with her about it. Maybe it was because Leia knew that the Rogues still spent a good deal of their time fighting the remnants of the dilapidated Empire and she just couldn't see Han standing idly by while he sent his students off to war. No, more than likely, she could see him injecting himself into the fray as every battle became more critical and more crucial than the one before it.

She folded her arms below her chest and gave herself a tight hug. She had heard Han's screams in the hallways of Bespin and watched him sink down into the carbonite chamber, all for her cause, and she just couldn't bear to watch that happen again. It was not that she thought that Han didn't believe in the New Republic as much as she did and would be fighting for his own reasons, but maybe she just didn't want him fighting at all anymore. Hadn't they both fought enough?

Leia spun away from the window as the dual meaning of her words shot through her. Biting her lip, she climbed back into their bed, curling up on her side once again into a tight little ball of emotions.

The sound of their apartment door sliding open stilled her thoughts. Her back to the entrance of their bedroom, she closed her eyes and tracked his movement with the familiar sounds of his routine. He stood at the side of the bed and she could feel his eyes boring into her back as the sound of his belt clicked open. The ruffled sound of clothing sliding off of him and dropping to the floor was followed by the dip of the mattress as his body slid under the covers and nestled up next to hers.

His skin was cool from the evening air and it sent shivers through her as he spooned himself against her, his scent catching up to her just moments after his touch. Her eyes opened as his presence soothed her swirling thoughts and emotions and her body unfurled against his.

Responding to her movement, he placed his hand against her belly and pulled her to him. She wriggled in response and his hand slid under her tee and gently cupped her breast. His voice rumbled in her ear, "The summit's winding down."

"Uh-hum," she hummed back in return as she pressed herself against him.

"Do you still want to take a trip? _Together_? When it's over?" His voice was still deep but laced with uncertainty.

The doubt behind his words hit her like a bucket of iced water and she spun around to face him. Remembering his offer to find a planet they had never been to and make love under a brand new set of stars, her eyes searched his as she said, "Yes. Do_ you_?"

He took a deep breath and they stared at each other for a long moment. "Leia, I love you more than anything. That hasn't changed."

"Then what _has_ changed?" Her voice croaked out, belying the simmering emotions that she had been fighting to contain these past few weeks.

"I just don't think you're happy, that's all. And honestly, I don't think you've been happy for a long time. And maybe..." He took another deep breath through his nose and then slowly let it out. "Maybe I'm tired of sitting around and waiting for it to right itself someday. Maybe I feel like I've got to push you a little." Taking his hand and resting it on her cheek, he let his thumb trace over her lips as he added, "Maybe that's what's changed."

She took his hand from her cheek and rested it on the mattress between them, her hand now covering his. As she let her thumb stroke his skin, she said, "That's a lot of maybes."

"I know."

She looked down at their hands on the bed, intertwined between them. Even with all of her internal thoughts and debates, her path continued to remain unclear. "And I don't like change."

"I know."

Bringing her eyes up to meet his she said, "_And_ I don't like being pushed."

"I know."

She stared at him for awhile. There was nothing she loved more than this man - not even life itself - and she trusted him. She trusted him with her life and her heart and she just wanted him to hold her and take care of her. She had told him once that she didn't feel like she needed to be strong when she was in his arms and no truer words had ever been spoken.

A smile crept across her lips and she squeezed his hand as she said, "You plan the trip…and I'll be there."

* * *

A little over a week later, the _Millennium Falcon_ was slipping into hyperspace. Han had chosen the nearby planet of Borleias, known for its beautiful, isolated beaches. With the _Falcon_ fully stocked, the couple didn't plan on seeing another living soul for the next five days.

Leia stood in the middle of the captain's cabin and let her eyes wander around the room. She had come in here to get changed from her stuffy Coruscant clothes to a more relaxed, vacation appropriate outfit. Tidier than it had ever been in his Alliance days, the room always held a permanent hint of disarray, much like its owner. In fact, the memories this room held for Leia were more enigmatic and varied than the man that the space belonged to. It had been a room that scared her, tempted her, comforted her and bolstered her. She let the memories lap over her like swells in a turbulent sea.

They had had some of their first real fights here. Fights that were less deflective bravado and more raw, honest truth. They had made love here for the first time and countless times thereafter. A cocoon that had been the essence of the man she fell in love with was now vibrant butterfly of shared memories.

On his bunk, which was made up tightly, was the quilt they had purchased on a trip to Obroa-skai. It was a mixture of patterns and symbols and certainly not anything floral, but it was decidedly more feminine than anything she was sure had come before it. Smiling, she recalled Han's face when he first spread it out across their now-shared bunk. It was one of the many times that she thought she could actually see his determined independence and emotional barriers flaking off of him in delicate layers.

She had waged her own similar battles with shedding layers of heavily fortified protection. After years of not talking to anyone about anything, she had taken great strides in opening up with Han. It was an underlying fear to allow oneself to be that vulnerable and emotionally naked with someone, that had proved to be the hardest thing to overcome. And although she had shared much with Han, there were still things that she held back - out of fear or just habit, she wasn't entirely sure.

Her eyes falling on something small and polished on the shelf above the double bed, she walked towards it. Taking it into her hand, she recognized what it was and the turbulent sea that was her memories and emotions swelled up once again before they slowly fanned out, the waves unruffled and the water became still, like glass.

It was a seashell, shaped like a castle.

Memories of a beach and a platform on a lake wrapped around her and stilled her heartbeat to a gentle patter. She hadn't heard him approach, but Han's arms snaked around her from behind, his hands landing on her belly, his head on her shoulder and his breath against her ear. Looking at the seashell in her hands, he held her like that for a moment before he said, "That was a good day."

"Yes, it was." She blinked and a tear fell down her cheek.

He turned her around in his arms and looked at her, wiping the tear away with the backs of his fingers. Taking the seashell from her hand, he bent over and placed it back on the shelf where it had come from and then he straightened up and their eyes met again. He bent down and kissed her, hard, like he wanted to remind her who he was and what he was to her in case she had forgotten. His hands tore at her clothing and he handled her roughly but she couldn't get angry with him because her hands were doing the same.

He was inside of her before they even hit the bed and her eyes slammed shut from the brief pain. He called her name repeatedly as if to make sure she was there, in this place with him and she answered him, because she was. His pace never slowed as he made love to her almost frantically and she clutched to him, feeling the frenzied pull of her need for him; a need to reconnect with him. To find what they had lost in the last few weeks. To reclaim the love and warmth that was theirs for the taking if they would only just let themselves have it.

Their bodies, painted with perspiration, traded places as they rolled around in their bunk on top of the patterned quilt from Obroa-skai. Him on top, her on top, side by side, every way they could as long as their mouths could connect in desperate kisses and they could whisper each other's names in their ears. Their hands glided over their glistening bodies, arms and legs moving in time with the rhythm of their frantic tempo. Even after it was over, the kisses and their hands didn't stop. Their names replaced with 'I love yous' as their hands and their heartbeats slowed and then eventually the apologies came and then the forgiveness and then they were still.

After a long silence, wrapped inside of Han's warm embrace, Leia wriggled away a little and reached up to the shelf above them and grabbed the little seashell. They looked at it together, Leia's back to Han, his hand draped over her as he reached his finger out to trace one of the tiny turrets. Turning her body around to face him, she looked down at the shell which now rested in her hand between them, and then back at Han and said, "Can we go back there…instead?"

"To our beach?"

"Yes."

He nodded his head as he stared at her, a look of determination clouding over his face. "Okay," he whispered as he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

She looked down at the miniature castle nestled in her hands.

"Leia?"

Raising her eyes up to meet his she watched him for a moment as he studied her.

Taking a deep breath, he said, "I don't know what you want me to do here."

She bit her lip and swallowed but said nothing.

He continued, "You say you don't want me to push you but nothing happens unless I do. And the minute we lift off of Coruscant you turn into someone completely different and it makes me not want to say anything, but I can't stand watching it happen over and over again and acting like it's perfectly normal." He trailed his hand over her shoulder and down her arm until it reached her hand that held the seashell inside of it, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I can't fix what I can't understand and you won't tell me enough to understand it."

Her eyes drifted down and away from his and she took several deep breaths. Taking his hand, she pried his fingers open and pressed the seashell into his palm and curled his fingers around it. Then, taking her hand and resting it against his face, she looked at him as a small, delicate smile crept across her lips. "You don't have to _fix_ anything. And I'm sorry I've made you feel like you have to. I'm sorry I still bury things inside of me that I know I should talk to you about, but…" She looked down at his hand resting in between them, encircling the little castle that he had found for her. Looking back up at him, she continued, "But, I'm trying to work on that. _You've_ helped me work on that. And I know I don't tell you this enough, but you're everything to me."

She slid her hand off of his cheek and wrapped it around to the back of his neck. As she pulled his face to hers she whispered, "You're my strength, you always have been. From the day I met you, no matter how long it took for me to see it, you've been there for me. And I know it's been hard for you and I've made it hard for you. I've pushed you away and taken you for granted."

He opened his mouth as if to speak and she shook her head at him. "You once told me that you couldn't see your future without me in it. But…I know…" Swallowing a lump in her throat, her eyelids blinked heavily, releasing the tears that had welled up in her eyes. "I know I wouldn't even _have_ a future without you."

The words had seemed heavy rolling off of her tongue and she felt a relief inside of her as she liberated them. Moving her head and tilting her chin, she kissed him and although it was desperate, it was soft and thankful and forgiving.

When she pulled away to look at him, he looked pained as if the weight of her words were now bearing down on him. She watched his eyes narrow with hurt as he said, "I just can't stand that there is nothing I can say or do…to make it better. I hate feeling so-"

"Don't," she quickly replied as she placed her finger on his lips. Pulling herself closer to him, their foreheads resting together as she shook her head and whispered desperately, "Whether you realize it or not, you just being here helps me more than you can ever imagine."

A buzzing alarm from the _Falcon_ broke their silence. Han hesitated, blowing out an exhaustive breath and then she watched him crawl out from her embrace and slip on a pair of boxers. Before he left, he walked towards her, leaned over the bunk and kissed her one last time as he pressed the tiny seashell into the palm of her hand. Standing up he winked at her and then turned around and headed to the cockpit.

Borleias was not that far from Coruscant and they were probably approaching the system. Sure enough, Leia felt the _Falcon_ slip into realspace and then just moments later, with new coordinates set no doubt, she felt them slip right back into hyperspace.

She studied the seashell in her hand and thought about her husband and her life. She centered on his angry words to her back on Coruscant when they had fought and then his softer words lying in this bunk just moments ago. Was she something that was broken and needed to be fixed? Sometimes she felt as if she was.

She took one last look at the castle in her hands and then setting it back on the shelf, she got out of the bunk and walked into the 'fresher.

* * *

Sitting in the cockpit of the _Millennium Falcon_, Leia watched the ship land on the same field by a lake on the planet of Naboo for the third time in her life. Each time she had found herself here, she had found her life in very different places. But somehow the venue drove her to action, encouraged her to face that what she may have been running away from. Turning to look at Han, shutting the _Falcon_ down in the pilot's seat next to her, she hoped her decision to come here would help her see her way through this current situation.

They walked down the path and toward the small beach in silence, Han's arm draped over her shoulder as if protecting her from the turmoil swirling around her. They stopped at the edge of the lake and she stood next to him as she stared out at the mountains in the distance.

"Are you happy, Han?"

His silence caused her to turn towards him and find his eyes. He smiled at her. "I'm happy, when you're happy."

She frowned. "Yeah, well...it seems like you treat my happiness like it's more important than yours."

At this comment, Han let out a quick burst of good-natured laughter. "I guess that is how you might see it, sweetheart. But…_you_ make me happy." He turned his head and looked out in the distance for a moment and then taking a deep breath, he looked back down at her and said, "I've been around the galaxy more times than I can count, Leia. I've got stories to write home about until the day that I die. There's nothing I look forward to over that horizon now...other than waking up next to you."

"Did you ever really want to work with the New Republic?"

"Yes. And now I don't. And now I'm not." Placing his hand on the side of her face, his eyes studied hers for a moment. "I know you have aspirations and goals and I support them. That doesn't take away from who I am. I support your decisions and leave most things up to you because I'm happy with _you_. And you support me in your own way. You know that. Don't shortchange yourself."

She smiled at him and grabbed his wrist with her hand, tilting her head against his palm and giving his wrist a squeeze.

Han watched her and then added, "You have things that you're dealing with that compel you to steer your life in a certain direction. And I understand that. When I don't like something that's going on with you or with me, I let you know."

"Like your role on Coruscant?"

"And my commission before that, yes. Look, I know I may not push you on a lot of things." He dropped his hand from her check and twirled a stray piece of her hair in his fingers. "I guess there're a lot of husbands that feel that they have to display some kind of control over their wives." He tucked the piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm not that kind of man, sweetheart. _I_ know that you would do what I asked you to do without having to exhibit it all the time."

At that she smiled. Wrapping her arm around his waist the couple began to walk along the shoreline. After a long silence, Leia sighed and said, "My aspirations and goals….they were to overthrow the Empire and to establish the New Republic."

"And one's done. But how do you measure the other?"

She was silently relieved that he understood her dilemma. "I guess that's the question, isn't it?"

She had certainly done her part to bring the New Republic to fruition and maybe now it was time to find her own purpose and place in the galaxy. If Alderaan had still been in existence she would have returned to her home planet by now to assume her role amongst her people. And maybe she and Han needed time and space away from the New Republic in order to find a life for themselves, similarly to what Luke and Chewie had already done.

She leaned her head against Han's arm and sighed heavily. "It had never been my intent to climb my way to the top of the galactic arena. I don't know when that became an expectation."

"Whose expectation is that, exactly?"

Exactly? Leia wasn't sure. It was more like the invisible everyone that had run her life for so long now she couldn't see straight. And what did one do when they had accomplished a lifetime goal? _Set another one. Plot another course. It's not rocket science, Leia._

She didn't answer him. Like everything else, she knew he understood. They walked along the shoreline for awhile in silence, his arm now slung over her shoulder. Stopping at the edge of the small, sandy beach, she felt him take his arm away from her. She took a step toward the lake so that she stood just slightly in front of him, her back to him.

There was a cool breeze pressing against her body and she closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. When she opened her eyes, she said, "You were right…about the decisions I've made." She spoke to the lake and to the mountains and the gentle wind carried her words behind her and back to him.

She stood in the silence for a moment as Han did not respond. He could always somehow sense when she was ready to talk and he waited for her to continue.

"And you're right about me…about who I am on Coruscant," she said with a heavy sigh. Looking down at her feet in the sand, she whispered, "I've never felt at home there."

She felt him close the distance between them and wrap his arms around her from behind, but he remained silent; his embrace her encouragement to continue.

"I haven't…I haven't felt at home anywhere since…" She shook her head at the painful memories assaulting her. Turning around to face him, she said, "I thought it didn't matter where I was as long as I was in your arms." Stepping into him she wrapped her arms around him and he held her tightly against his body, the sound of his heart beat pounding in her ear. "But there's more. I can see that now. And it's not fair to you."

She hoped he understood her words and was secure enough with her love for him to know what she meant. Pulling away from him she looked at him and said, "It's like you said. If I can't find happiness on Coruscant then Coruscant is not where I should be."

He placed his hands on her upper arms and rubbed them up and down a few times, a smile crept across his face and then he looked past her and towards the mountains and the lake. Finding her eyes again, he sighed and said, "I kinda like this place."

She shook her head at him. "I don't want this to be another decision that is based on my needs alone."

"Well…we have the entire galaxy to choose from, Leia," he replied matter-of-factly. "But the way I see it, we'll want to settle down somewhere that we have ties to. Somewhere that makes sense for both of us. Where we can _both_ be happy." Filling up his lungs with a deep intake of breath, he blew the air out slowly, letting it leak out of him as if making room for the thoughts in his head. "To me that leaves us with three choices."

She arched her eyebrow at him. "Which are?"

"Yavin, with your brother. Kashyyyk, with Chewie. _Or_…this place." Taking his finger he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear to keep it from dancing in front of her face in the gentle wind. "I don't see either of us being happy on Yavin. And, as much as we love Chewie, we're not Wookiees." They smiled at each other and he looked away to the mountains again. "There's something about this place that I think we're both drawn to." Looking back down at her, he said, "Maybe your path is clearer than mine is right now, but…it just feels right, you know?"

"I know," she said as she spun around in his arms and joined him in looking out towards the looming vista ahead of them. Breathing out, she said, "And this place, especially."

"Our lake?" he asked as he squeezed his arms around her.

"Our beach," she replied, a wide smile stretching across her face as she turned around to face him.

"Our platform?" he offered with a waggle of his eyebrows and a crooked grin.

He bent down to kiss her and she stretched up to meet him halfway. He moved to pull away from her after a quick kiss, but she pulled him down to her and deepened it, his arms wrapping around her in response as he pressed himself against her.

Breaking the kiss she gazed at him for a moment and then her eyes roamed across the vast field with the _Millennium Falcon_ resting in the distance. "Do you think someone owns this?"

"I'm sure _somebody_ owns it."

Stepping away from him, she asked, "Do you think you could find out who?"

He smiled down at her, his thoughts easily following hers. "I think I could do that."

"I think I want to talk to my aunt."

He smiled down at her and then pulled her to him and kissed her again and then she rested her head against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her as if he might never let her go. Melting into him, she inhaled one long, deep breath and then shut her eyes. Feeling the weight of their unresolved issues lifting off of her shoulders, she thought of one last thing that she wanted to say. "Han?"

"Uh-huh?" he answered her and then gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

Keeping her head pressed against his chest, she opened her eyes and said, "I still don't know if I'll ever want to have children."

"Honey-"

"No, let me say this." She pulled away from him and forced herself to look at him as she continued, "That wasn't an easy decision for me and honestly," she looked down and shaking her head she looked back up at him and said, "Honestly, I was relieved when you didn't fight me on it, because it's not easy for me to stand by it. But I have to. I just…feel like I have to. And that hasn't changed."

He shook his head and looking down he grabbed one of her hands and held it in between both of his own. Looking back up at her he said, "I'm sorry I said it."

He didn't deny his own feelings and they had never been more painfully clear to her than they were right at this moment. But it felt like those mountains in the distance; so massive, yet so far away.

Without a word, she stepped towards him once again and he accepted her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest once more and they stood on that beach, wrapped in a tight embrace as the gentle breeze swirled around them and the distant mountains turned purple from the setting Naboo sun. Closing her eyes, she heard a desperate whisper riding along on the wind that seemed to say, _'You're home. You're home. You're home.'_


End file.
